by Joyce Slaton posted in Products & Prizes

Baby shower gifts are touchy, given during a particularly fraught period of a woman's life, as she prepares to plunge through the veil that separates the childed from the child-free.
By the time her shower rolls around late in her pregnancy, she is likely to be round, uncomfortable, sweaty, and possibly suffering from swollen ankles, hemorrhoids, and acid indigestion. She's also probably nervous, whether she's having her first child or her third, about the exhaustion and emotional ups and downs soon to come her way. Into this toxic stew you drop a gift. Let it be one that won't cause offense.

Now, if the mom in question asks for one of the following things, all bets are off. If she asks for it, she wants it. Full stop. Disregard our advice. And it should go without saying but why not say it anyway: Anyone who receives a gift from anyone at any time, unless it's the gift of a bucket o' spiders or something, should just say "thank you," because though some gifts are in poor taste, embarrassing their givers is so much more so. You can burn it with fire, chuck it in the trash, or donate it to the thrift shop tomorrow. Today you say thank you, even if you're just thanking someone for loving you enough to get you this awful terrible no-good gift.
Speaking of which: If your shower-friend doesn't ask for any of the following and you're planning to go into the off-register area for kicks or reasons, or she demurred and said...