by Michelle Stein posted in Mom Stories

Earlier today, I plucked this lovely little slap in the face out of my scalp.

My thoughts, after discovering the colorless intruder: "I'm 28. This can't be happening to me!" followed by, "How did I not see this before"" and finally, "I blame my three children."
That's right. This white hair has absolutely nothing to do with biology or genetics. Never mind that my mother started getting silver strands when she was in her late 20s, too, or that my grandma had a full head of white hair by the time she was 40. Nope, the credit for this gray hair goes to kid-induced stress and lack of sleep all the way.
Here's why:
1) The screaming. My nearly-3-year-old daughter's favorite defense mechanism against anything questionable/annoying her 5-year-old brother does is shrieking at the top of her lungs. He's being bossy" SHRIEK! He won't stop kicking the back of her seat in the van" SHRIEK! He's smiling at her when she doesn't want him to" SHRIEK! My personal favorite is when her shrieks are met by his shrieks, and then the baby feels left out and starts mimicking them. I don't care what anyone says, gray hair is definitely linked to eardrum damage and elevated blood pressure.
2) Getting ready to leave the house is like herding cats. They have no sense of urgency and it's maddening. "Put your shoes on, please. Your shoes. Over there. Yes, those shoes. No, wrong foot. OK, grab your coat! H...