by Betsy Shaw posted in Mom Stories

Whenever I see articles about sex after kids, I can't help but think about the situation of--ahem--a married couple I know, with children, for whom delayed sex has become a way of life. This is simply because they cannot figure out how in hell to get away from their kids for long enough to actually, you know, Do it. Thus they seem to be in a perpetual pattern of delayed sex. And it just might be strengthening their marriage.
Because having to hang on to your hat for an hour, day, week or two-- all that waiting, all that buildup-- can bring you right back to the frustrations of new love. And, as maddening as it may be, that's not such a bad thing. It could actually be a good thing.
A really, really good thing. After reading so much about couples making excuses to skip sex, I get thinking: Could all this sexual apathy just be a natural stage of parenting" A stage that-- with luck and tenacity-- can be patiently endured, and grown out of, much like our children's outrageous mood swings"

With that in mind, if sex after children could be broken up into stages, just like the stages of childhood development, what would the stages be" Here is a rough outline of my idea of what the stages of sex after children might look like:
Stage One: The postpartum, "don't come near me with that thing ever again or you die" stage. (Depending on how many kids you have, you may have to repeat this stage several times.)

Stage Two: The...