by Michelle Stein posted in Pregnancy

I consider myself a realist. Most of the time. When it comes to taking pregnancy tests, though, I'm a hopeless optimist -- to the point of slap-some-sense-into-that-woman denial.
As you read my cycle of insanity, below, please keep in mind that this all seems perfectly reasonable to me in the moment. However, when my period inevitably starts (and I'm deleting 50 photos of questionable pregnancy tests from my camera roll,) I look back and think, "Seriously, what is wrong with me""
Without further ado, I present to you the seven stages of denial when I get a big, fat negative pregnancy test:
1) I didn't use my first-morning urine, so I'll just try again tomorrow.

2) *Sigh* It's probably too early anyway to test anyway. 3) Since this is an 88-cent test, it's probably not very sensitive. I should definitely go out and buy an early-result test.

4) *Squints while holding pregnancy test at every possible angle while in bright lighting, taking photos, and then messing around with different filters* Hmmm. That looks like it could kinda, sorta be the beginnings of a potential line. Better post it for some online stranger to tweak and confirm. Because that's the only way to know for sure.

5) Meh. I probably just ovulated late this cycle. I'll wait a few more days and test again.
6) Okay, my period is late and I'm still getting negatives. I guess my body just isn't producing enough HCG yet.

7) Well, now I'm bleeding...