by Tara Shafer posted in Parenting

As a mother, I have struggled mightily with traumatic loss and the impact of this loss. It has made me worry, more than I should, for my children, both living and dead.
Anxiety has kept me up nights, has shallowed my breath, has made me not eat. Here, my fingers hover over the keyboard. I don't know how much to say, but it feels important to me to say something. It feels important because it matters to me to do my part to normalize grief, because in so doing, I can more easily feel joy too.
To my children, two of whom are rainbows, you all (and your father) are the loves of my life. (Rainbow babies are those born after loss). I have a vague fear of the day when some or all of you become interested in your mother as a person - with an identity separate and apart from that of your mother. I worry that you will Google my articles about parenting and that you will misunderstand what I mean. This post is a case in point. While I do write about you all, I try to write more about myself because I want to protect your privacy, especially as you mature. Admittedly, sometimes these lines become murky and indistinct. Please forgive me.
If you read this, read carefully. I have experienced higher than normal levels of stress and anxiety as a parent, especially since the stillbirth of my second child. This is normal. I want parents beginning their grief journey to know it is normal never really to recover. I want them to know that still there is compl...