Here are the best and worst things to say to bereaved parents
by Tara Shafer posted in Parenting
In the decade since my son was stillborn, I have had some time to reflect on the things people said to me in an effort to offer comfort. With the benefit of hindsight, I now fully understand the spirit of love with which all these expressions were made.
Saying the wrong thing is actually better than saying nothing at all. So there is that.
Here is a little guidance about what not to say. (And a couple of tips about what to say instead).
Don?t say that things happen for a reason or imply that losing a child will make you strong. This might actually be the worst thing one can say to a bereaved parent. Sentiments like this are well-intended, but they translate badly. They are an effort to remind the bereaved that the search for meaning in unfathomable agony may someday underpin the life?s work of continuing to live and to love. INSTEAD SAY: I don?t understand why this happens. I am bereft for you. If I can help to remember or memorialize your baby/child, I would really like to. Is there a charity to which I might make a memorial donation" Never remind them that their living children need them. Bereaved parents blessed with living children are acutely aware of this. Reminders are both unnecessary and inadvertently invalidating. I can assure you that the fact of my healthy toddler was the sole thing that got me up in the morning, made me zip up my jacket, and leave the house. It is hard to feel worthy of one?s children when you have lost...
-------------------------------- |
|
COMPETITION: Win a 5-star Family Holiday in Limassol, Cyprus
27-04-2024 08:05 - (
moms )