by Scott Adler posted in Life & Home

Possibly it's because they have a runny nose for 48 months at a time, but kids don't understand sick.
When they see symptoms that signal you're one step away from death, a single thought goes through their little noggins: dog pile.

At least, Stella and Theo were piling on me last week when I was sick as a dog.
But did I yell" Did I complain and make a play for pity when I had the dreaded drop-off/pickup/drop-off troika while nursing a knife in my throat and a brain incapable of simple math"
No, I turned into a human gym.
I know many of you have discovered the secrets of giving your kids a good time while you remain in a coma of calm. But in case you're searching for solutions for when you're maxed out or sick, I've perfected five techniques for lying down on the job:
Couch surfing

Slide under the cushions of your couch and let your kids surf on top of you. (One at a time is best if you have two or more kids. It also helps to scoot away typical death objects like glass coffee tables.)
It's dark under there and you can pretend the pressure of the kids' weight is actually the movements of a finely trained masseuse.
Mwa, ha, ha! The treasure is mine?

This one is easy, although before attempting it, you have to look inside yourself and judge your comfort with being poked and prodded while relaxing.
All you do is turn your role as evil emperor, witch, stepmother, pirate captain, or owner of Al's Toy Barn into an act of theft wh...