by Tara Shafer posted in Parenting

For the bereaved, impending holidays are often fraught. The beauty of the season, strung lights and candles, may strike a discordant note when one is grieving baby loss. The experience of and emphasis on family as part of a holiday tradition and seasonal lore rests somewhere between poignant and crushing.
My son was stillborn in December and I associate his death quite literally with chestnuts roasting on an open fire in carts in New York City, and horse-drawn livery cabs. In my experience of working in baby bereavement since then, loving and well-intended people who want to reach out sometimes don?t. I am here to tell you that it is right and good to follow through on your impulse to reach out. 
I am also here to remind you that there is no timeline for grief where baby loss is concerned. All experiences will be absolutely unique. There is no half-life of grief -- and so if you catch yourself wondering whether to acknowledge loss, consider these most commonly asked questions:
Q: I want to say something to my friend/brother/aunt -- I know [they] were really devastated by [their] loss. But they seem like they are doing so well now. I don?t want to cause pain.
A: This is a lovely question to have. It reflects such consideration -- you are remembering and acknowledging the pain of loss. This is such an act of love. The answer to this question is not straightforward. It depends a lot on the individual, and on your relationship to the ...