by Becky Vieira posted in Pregnancy

I?ll cry when I first see him. I might even sob. It will be a beautiful moment and I?ll cherish the memory forever.
That?s what I told myself before my son was born. And why wouldn?t I assume that" My pregnancy had no shortage of tears, and a few times there were even hysterics (okay, maybe slightly more than a few times). The final week was full of excitement, fear and anxiety that I was positive would culminate with a sob fest in the delivery room.
Except it didn?t.
There were no tears when my son was born. I didn?t cry when I saw him or when I first held him in my arms. And I felt horrible about that. I thought I was a terrible mother and somehow my lack of tears diminished my love for him. It filled me with a guilt I carried for months.
I can?t remember a movie or TV show where labor was depicted and the mother -- and oftentimes the father as well -- didn?t shed tears. All the photos my friends and family members had shared from their personal birthing experience seemed to feature obvious crying or at the very least glistening eyes.
I expected to be the same. I thought I should cry. In fact, I created a whole scenario in my head where my husband and I would kiss while tears streamed down my cheeks just as the nurse handed us our son.
In reality, I was so nervous for my epidural that I was shaking and my teeth were chattering. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience that I watched from afar, almost detached and devoi...