by Melissa Willets posted in Pregnancy

During my previous three pregnancies, I gained around 30 pounds each time.
It felt like 60.
Or maybe I feared it would be 60.
Truthfully, I always worry about gaining too much when I?m pregnant. Because how my body evolves while carrying a baby can feel so out-of-control.
Like, if all I can eat is a stack of buttery, syrupy pancakes and a side of salty tortilla chips, well, then, so be it. If I can?t take my dog on 3-mile walks every day because I have to pee every 4 blocks, then that?s how it is.
I never want to relinquish control, or gain excess weight. It just happens. Not that 30 pounds is too much, but I'm pretty sure back fat isn't mandatory for a healthy baby.
At the end of a pregnancy, that number on the scale is always the culmination of the pieces of cheesecake I ate, because um, I wanted to, as well as every salad I skipped, because the mere thought of lettuce made my stomach churn. That final number on the scale represents the times I napped instead of exercising. If I let it, that number can come to symbolize failure. My failure to have the perfect pregnancy I?d hoped for.

All of that is what?s behind my outright refusal to look at the scale now that I am having a fourth baby.
At my first prenatal appointment, I averted my eyes when the nurse weighed me.
After I removed my shoes.
I wanted to take off my earrings à la Kate in This Is Us. But I exercised some self control so I didn?t make a fool out of myself.
Turns ou...