by Jamie Reed posted in Pregnancy

I've always been a worrier. It's been one of the constants of my life and I've tried to drop my worries over and over again. But what I had always assumed were just normal worries that everyone experienced took a turn -- in my 20s I was handed an anxiety disorder diagnosis by a therapist.
Maybe my worries weren't "normal" after all. My anxiety manifested itself in some difficult, dangerous ways, but with a lot of treatment I made progress over the years. And then I got pregnant.
My husband and I talked and worried about trying to get pregnant so much that no baby could possibly have been more planned. We had years of wondering if children were in our future. I spent countless nights awake in bed reading articles and opinions on my phone, trying to determine if I would be a good mother, if I could handle the physical and emotional changes that come with growing a baby as well as parenting and all that comes with it.  

When the pregnancy test was positive I felt almost electric with nerves, both good and bad. The decision was made, there was no turning back, and I was merely along for the ride. While I don't consider myself a control-freak, pregnancy is the ultimate lack of control. Body changes, mood swings, trying to prepare for a future you have no idea how to plan, it's a lot. Having spent years trying to control my control issues, pregnancy has felt almost crippling at times.
I love that the pregnant body works to c...