by Sabrina Garibian posted in Products & Prizes

Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw.
This is the sound that haunts me every night.
As the clock strikes 12 on my in-office work day, I pull out my breast pump. As usual, I daydream taking it outside and going Office Space on it. Have you seen that movie" One of the main characters takes his printer outside and absolutely demolishes it with a bat first, his own feet later. I imagine taking my breast pump to the highest bridge I can find and tossing it satisfactorily over the edge, waving adieu and thanking it for its service.
I'm grateful I have a breast pump and that by the time I had my third child my insurance paid for one. But, wow do I hate this thing.

First of all, can't it have a nicer name" I can't think of one right now because my brain is being infiltrated by a loud humming hee-haw that just won't seem to quit. I can't think straight while I pump. But we need a better name than "breast pump." Seriously. Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw. 
Second of all, why all the parts" WHY"" There's the valve and the bottle and the breast shield and the tiny membranes that I almost lose every time I sterilize my pump parts.
Third of all, it is ridiculously loud. I share an office space with others, strangers who I don't know beyond a passing nod or chit chat about the weather. These strangers can tell the time by the sound of my pump, as I know they all hear it. Like clockwork I pump at 12 p.m. and 4...