Is it normal to think this awful thing before giving birth"
by Melissa Willets posted in Pregnancy
This is hard to admit.
I've been having dark thoughts prior to giving birth to my fifth child. Deep breath. Here goes: I feel as though getting pregnant was a big mistake. As I get closer to my due date, I find myself wishing I'd just left things the way they were.
It's especially hard to confess this thought, since I went through so much to conceive my baby, namely a very emotionally-trying cycle of IVF.
Prior, my family endured a heartbreaking loss that we are still struggling to accept. I know all I wanted was to bring healing and love to my three daughters, my husband and myself by welcoming a new life into our brood. Yet I am so worn out from this pregnancy, I can't shake the feeling that I won't be able to handle labor and delivery, or caring for a newborn. Maybe all of this was a total miscalculation on my part. I've messed everything up. And I'm screwed. My husband reminds me that every time I have been pregnant, I felt this way. I bemoaned how conceiving that baby was a huge mistake. I'd never love the baby like I love my other children, I'd said. I wished I hadn't changed things, and left well enough alone.
He's right. I did feel these things. And yet, the moment I met my baby, all those doubts melted away like a contraction after its peak. Knowing these fears are normal and not permanent helps. It doesn't change the fact that, at this point, my misgivings feel very real, as does my guilt over experiencing these feelings, a...
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