My relationship with my newborn is one big contradiction
by Jamie Reed posted in Parenting
The newborn struggle is real: You?re exhausted and energized. Miserable and happier than you?ve ever been.
In my 35 years on earth I don?t think I?ve experienced a more complex or contradictory relationship than the one I have with my newborn baby. Such a precious, sweet and perfect little human, who can cause so much chaos and confusion by simply being here.
I?m constantly torn between needing to physically be with him every second and simultaneously wanting to not see another human being for at least a week. Confusing, to say the least.
Blame it on hormones, blame it on sleep deprivation, all I know is my brain and emotions are all over the place, even if it means my feelings constantly contradict each other! Change! / Never change!
When will my baby sleep through the night" When will he smile at me" When will he move out on his own" So many things I can?t wait for him to do (mainly that sleep thing), but at the same time, I don?t want him to age a single second more. Every day I wonder more and more where my tiny newborn is going!
I need a break / Is he up yet"
I don?t know how many times I get the baby down for a nap, excited to have a couple of hours to myself, only to spend half an hour looking at the photos of him on my phone. Then I stalk the video monitor looking for signs he?s stirring so I can go pick him up again.
Just watching the monitor waiting for him to wake up!
What have we done" / Why didn?t ...
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