by Kelly Wilbanks posted in Parenting

I sat in our recliner next to the lights twinkling on our Christmas tree holding my youngest, Annie. She had woken up and needed cuddles before going back to sleep. It's a Wonderful Life played on TV, the stockings were filled, and Santa had set the last three new presents under the tree. I felt at peace. I've learned I cannot orchestrate this feeling, but need slow down and savor it when it comes.
It's that moment of peace after the tidying is done, the dishwasher is going, and the dryer is finishing the last load of laundry. That, coupled with the snow falling outside and my sweet baby asleep in my arms, made me feel a quiet in my soul. After all the planning, purchasing and preparing this time to pause from all the doing is almost sacred. I'd made a vow -even if it's just until the next kid needs me.
I had some pretty incredible Christmas mornings as a child.  When I was 8, I walked downstairs to a tree surrounded with gifts. That year my capstone gift was a brand-new Barbie dream house to share with my sister.
Other Christmases were memorable for different reasons. Years later, as my parents went through a messy divorce, my mom, sister and I drove to see some Christmas lights displayed in park near my house. It was a last ditch attempt to muster up some Christmas cheer (I don't think we even had a tree or presents that year.
The line to get into the display was deceptively long, weaving through the park like a line ...