by Tara Shafer posted in Parenting

I remember once speaking to a friend about how best to express the love we feel for our children.
At that time, they were still little. We were at my dining room table drinking coffee. Our little engineers were on the ground trying to get train tracks to connect. Things were busy, but simple. We were tired, but we were lucky. Our kids were healthy. We could linger over coffee with them.
I remember this friend telling me about the most complicated parenting advice she had received. I asked what it was.
She told me that an older mom had told her not to raise her kids to believe that they were the center of her world.
My friend said that this woman went on to say -- of course they are the center of your world. You just can?t show them that. My friend and I wondered aloud whether this was sensible advice. In a certain way, it seemed wise. In another way it seemed harsh. As to the former, it probably does serve kids to understand that they must adapt to the world, rather than the other way around. As to the latter though, if you are not centrally cherished by your parents, how do you evolve in the world at large more generally" How is this not withholding"
It?s a tough one, this one.
I don?t pretend to have the answers. I am as wildly contradictory as any parent of multiple children. I am easily overwhelmed. I want them to function as responsible citizens, and this sometimes means putting others before themselves. However, I also wa...