by BabyCenter Guest Blogger posted in Parenting

By Helen Farmer
I think I have what?s known as imposter syndrome.

On a rational level, I know I?m a mum (there are two tiny humans who look a bit like me to prove it, along with all sorts of plastic crap, a body changed forever and a very sickly bank balance), but sometimes ? okay, frequently ? I just don?t feel like it. I feel like a fake mum, going through the motions, failing at it when others are nailing it. Playing a role, instead of living it.
It?s almost as though The Mum Police (they wear Boden that's not from the clearance section and always have clean hair) will knock on the door, ask me to cook a fish pie from scratch while they wait, check my YouTube browser history for Peppa Pig overdosing, and give my daughter a spelling test before stamping a big FAIL on my forehead, for all to see. There are fleeting moments when I feel like a mum ? when my children sleep on me, a sticky little hand in mine, a satisfying burp after patting a tiny back ? but I?m still waiting for a revelation of sorts.
From their birth, we expect the magical ?maternal instinct? to kick in, a parenting manual to be downloaded into our brains before we leave the maternity ward, for us to stop being so selfish ? to WANT to listen to them banging on a tambourine for hours instead of getting a massage and having some quiet time ? and I?m sure for some mums this is a reality.
Delighting in hours of baking, of crafting all day, of knowing the words ...