by Melissa Willets posted in Parenting

On Mother's Days past, I may not have had the highest expectations.
But at the very least, I'd enjoy a brunch out, tear up over homemade gifts from my kids, and feel thankful to spend the day with them by my side.

But like every holiday since our loss, this is another one to just. Get. Through.
"Regular" days are easier. Days with no expectations at all. Like Mondays. Or random Sundays. Days when you don't have to look at missing names on cards.
Mother's Day feels especially cruel after loss. I'm a mom not just to the kids I get to hold, and feel move inside my belly, but to someone I can only feel in spirit. Celebrating being a mom when someone you're a mom to isn't here is more or less the emptiest, saddest, most painful feeling there is. Sometimes I think I may not survive it still hurts so much. The only way to take away even one ounce of that pain is to honor our angel baby on Mother's Day. We plan to plant a tree for her.
Still, she's not here.
So sure, I can't wait to read the Mother's Day cards my kids made at school. I will be happy to have a cup of coffee in bed. But really, I just want this day to be over as quickly as possible. So I can move on to the next milestone I must face without one of my kids by my side.
Photos: Melissa Willets

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