by Becky Vieira posted in Parenting

I took this photo one year ago today. I remember so much of this ? and also none at all.
I was so proud of myself, I took my son shopping downtown while my husband was at the gym. After more than two months I finally felt confident enough to be out of the house. And face the possibility that we?d have to nurse in public, something that had previously kept me housebound for the most part.
We did, and we survived. Something I wouldn?t have bet on before this day.

I was so sure of myself as I asked for the family dressing room at H&M. I knew what to say and do when the time came to breastfeed. At last there was one thing about motherhood that I could handle, even if that was just finding a spot to nurse. It was really hot in there. And he screamed until I fed him. Then he didn?t want to go back into the stroller, so I carried him in one arm and pushed with the other. It was physically awkward but I didn?t know how else to get him home. His screams made me anxious and sweaty, this seemed like the lesser of two evils.
Also, I look at this photo and I see him.... but I don?t remember him being that tiny, how it felt to hold him when he was so small. What he smelled like, what kind of sounds he made.
I?ve seen those pants he's wearing, I recall them in my mind. I washed and folded them countless times. But I don?t remember him wearing them. Not that day. Or ever.
These two. She?s so sad, so sick, so in love. He?s so pure and innocent, tru...