by Becky Vieira posted in Parenting

A mom I?ve never met sent me an email.
?I love you, woman,? read the message from the stranger who clearly doesn?t love me because she doesn?t even know me. ?It?s mom to mom advice, no bullying.? And then it followed with a string of unsolicited suggestions, telling me I needed to wear makeup and dress better. She said I was making a mistake in not doing so, reminding me I?m ?not only a mother, but a wife, too.? Was she saying my husband would be happier if I wore more makeup"
Luckily she wrote the line about not bullying me, otherwise it would have felt a lot like bullying. It was mom-shaming at its finest. "I'm not judging you...but here's what's wrong with you."
I?ve come to accept that being a mom comes with judgment and shame. It?s unfortunate and unfair, but its true. I just assumed I?d be judged for my parenting choices, not whether  I contoured my face before playdates.
I?ve gone back and forth as to why she sent me this message. I don?t believe she intended to be hurtful or condescending. But she was. I didn?t ask for her thoughts on my appearance, nor did I express that I was experiencing doubts about my looks. Because I?m not.
Yes, like many women I have days when I awaken with a blemish and don?t feel great. On those days -- if I have time -- I?ll wear makeup and pull some ?pre-baby clothes? from my closet to give myself a little boost. Other days I wear makeup simply because I want to. And when I don?t it?s...