by Tara Shafer posted in Pregnancy

People ask me quite a bit about pregnancy envy. They are asking about the course of sadness (or even jealousy) when two women are expecting babies -- and one of these pregnancies ends in loss.
Since my own loss, I have been asked by many pregnant women about the likelihood of a close friend, sister, or sister-in-law resenting either her or her baby. These conversations feel almost confessional to me.
There is no reason to shroud this considerate question in secrecy. What is being asked is not so much will she hate me" What is being asked is how I can help to include her in my pregnancy and life, and not lose her"
This is beautiful.
My short answer is no. Most women do not hate those women with whom they shared the excitement of a pregnancy even when it ends in loss. That said, there is a complexity in emotional processing about which people can be better aware.
 
Some women worry that overtly acknowledging the loss of a pregnancy as a pregnant woman seems like it is rubbing it in. I am here to assure you that it is not. My best friend had an infant at the time of my loss and the way she came into my life and just stuck it moves me still. I wanted to see her infant, hold her infant, because I would never have wanted her to offer herself up in any way that felt diminishing. Her infant was her bounty and I loved them both. Her tears in solidarity (with a babe in arms) allowed me to grieve.
So my best advice is to express your...