What it?s like knowing you will probably outlive your child
by Whitney Barthel posted in Parenting
Of course I can?t say with one thousand percent certainty that I will outlive Daniel, my 7-year-old with Down syndrome. But, the likelihood is that I will.
*Daniel and me boating this summer.
When my husband and I received Daniel?s prenatal diagnosis, my first thought was, ?Oh my gosh, I will never get to do anything else for the rest of my life because I'm going to be so busy taking care of him.? It?s embarrassing that I felt this way, but it is the honest-to-goodness truth. *See: I was terrified of Down syndrome, but didn't need to be.
After having Daniel I realized I didn?t have to worry about him not ever being able to live independently of me, but if I am forced to live independently of him. *Daniel and I celebrating the day he finally graduated from preemie to newborn-sized outfits.
Far beyond the innumerable hypothetical roads Daniel will be able to choose from throughout his lifetime, is the even more terrifying ?end of the road.? And I can?t think of which would be worse -- him reaching the end of his road first, or me.
Perhaps even more heartbreaking than knowing I will someday have to experience a life without my child, is knowing the alternative is also a possibility: that someone else will one day have to take over my role if I am no longer around or am unable to care for my beloved child.
I don?t know which would be worse.
I cannot even fathom the pain of losing a child. And while I would never wish to outlive one of my...
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