When your teen writes you a love note, read it carefully
by Betsy Shaw posted in Parenting
I've been a shitty mom lately. The gratitude for the small stuff has gotten buried too deep underneath the stuff that feels, well, big.
This week, I snapped at my 12-year-old when she complained about school being boring. I could have been more understanding. I could have told her I remember being bored sometimes in school. Instead, I accused her of being ungrateful for what she has. I shamed her for telling me how she felt. Then minutes later, my morning mom wounds open and festering, I snapped again when she told me she misplaced yet another lunch box.
And the other morning I lectured my 16-year-old all the way to school about how she needed to pull herself together, learn to manage her time better, and stop taking sooo long to get out of the house every morning. I did this, even though just a month or two ago she had a full-on panic attack, brought on by an invisible weight of the world too many teens are carrying on their young backs. I know being a teenager is no picnic. Yet did that stop me from being the self righteous school-run scold" Evidently not. When she, always astute, called me out on being unduly harsh, I actually said the words "I am not your friend, I am your mother." Ouch! I understand the general concept of that phrase, but I still hate it. God, I hate it.
So why did I say it" I guess I was feeling criticized, and a little rejected, a little hurt. Just because you are the mom of a teen do...
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