10 things NOT to say to an adoptive parent
I?ve had two pregnancies, and both times I was shocked when strangers gave themselves permission to touch my belly. But that was nothing compared to the boundaries people crossed after I expanded my family through adoption. So many unsolicited questions and comments have floored me?and my kids, who were all too often in earshot. And in talking with other adoptive parents, I’ve found we’re not alone. So to help folks avoid sounding like Anne of Green Gable?s wretched neighbour Rachel, who famously warned Anne?s new mom, Marilla, that orphans sometimes poison wells, I’ve crowdsourced the top ten things not to say to adoptive parents:
?Couldn?t you have real kids"?
What" As opposed to robot kids (who really should have been programed to clean up)" To insinuate that adopted children are any less ?real? than non-adopted kids is incredibly insulting to the parents who?re wiping their bums, baking their birthday cakes, and braiding their hair. ?You?re lucky you didn?t have to go through labour/ breastfeeding/ stretch marks/ night feeds? (or anything else pregnancy- or newborn-related).
For some parents, adoption was a choice made after years of fertility struggles. Telling them they?re lucky to have skipped longed-for experiences negates the grief they went through on their journey to parenthood.
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