My mom and I never really talk about how she mothered her fat child. It?s too painful for both of us. But after she read a blog post of mine, she called me.
?I?m so sad,? she said. ?I experienced the same issues with being an overweight child, and I didn?t want my daughter to go through the same experiences. But the steps I took just made it worse.?
I get it: It?s impossible to have a child and not feel a primal need to protect them from painful things you experienced in your childhood. But in trying to pre-emptively protect me, she ended up being the first person to teach me to distrust and feel ashamed of my body.
I don?t blame her or hold a grudge. Parents do the best they can with the tools they have. When my mother was parenting me, there was no guidebook for how to raise a fat child. The only thing she knew how to do was teach me to protect myself by thinking about what people might tease me for, to sign me up for sports, to listen to the paediatricians telling her I should lose weight, and to encourage me to eat less and move more. In my case, it was trying to fight city hall. I come from a family of large, stocky people. I was going to be fat no matter what she did. So, since no guidebook was available for her, this is my attempt to help parents who are where she was. How do you raise a fat, healthy, happy child" I?m not a doctor or a psychologist. I?m just a fat kid who grew into a fat adult, and this is what would have been helpful to me.
1. Teach them about ...