A mother with cancer to her children: ‘When words fail me… at least I can say I love you’
Let me tell you about ?chemobrain.? I can tell you about it, because I?ve been a family doctor for more than 20 years. We touched on it in medical school; I reviewed the subject during my oncology rotation; I?ve seen the results of the toxic lifesaving chemotherapy agents my patients needed. I?ve seen the consequences these powerful drugs can sometimes have on their lives.
Chemobrain is the name for the feeling when rounds of cancer-treating chemotherapy sap your brain and you just cannot think of the word you want to use. You could be speaking or writing, but the word just does not come?even if you?re trying really hard.
In the beginning, you won?t really even know it?s happened. You just go blank; there is no thought. You just sit and watch. Your head hurts and rest does not make it better. You are partly gone?a ghost in a shell. Just wait, people will say. Scrolling through screens and watching movies are out of the question, and sunny days or windshield wipers on rainy days can wipe you off your feet to your bed with a headache. But sometimes, you?ll feel like you?re able to try to get out and do something, only to be reminded how bad it is once you?ve tried. Wait longer, people will say.
There can be despair when you start to be aware of the damage. But then again, the chemotherapy agents also hit the neurons of your brain?s emotional centres. So maybe you can hardly even be anxious or mad anymore: All is gone. It doesn?t matter. You are just trying to surv...
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