Being a mom with chronic pain wasn’t part of the plan
?Mama, do you have pain today"?
I open my eyes to find my five-year-old daughter standing beside my bed, peering at my face for any signs of distress.
I know what she?s really asking: Am I able to play with her"
My husband and I take turns getting up with her on the weekend so that one of us can sleep in a little. It?s my shift this morning.
?Can you colour with me"? she asks. ?I?m lonely.?
I slowly turn toward her, careful to hide my grimace as my joints protest. I?m in the middle of a flare-up, but I make an effort to smile and reassure her.
?Yes, just give me 10 minutes to brush my teeth and take my pills,? I say.
She stares back at me, a hint of frustration in her big blue eyes. She can tell that something is off by the way I respond. On a good day, I would just roll out of bed and follow her downstairs. ?You know how sometimes Mama needs to lie on the couch when we play because it?s more comfortable for me than sitting on the floor"?
She nods cautiously as I struggle to explain the complexities of chronic pain in kid-friendly terms.
?That?s because I have boo-boos and bruises on the inside of my body that nobody can see,? I tell her. ?Some days they hurt a lot, and some days they don?t. Today, my knees are hurting because it?s raining outside.?
She nods again but looks away, impatient to get out the paper and pencil crayons.
?Colouring sounds fine, but I can?t really run around or make myself too tired or else I?ll have to take a break and rest. Do ...
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