My mom doted on me and my sisters endlessly when we were kids. Her life revolved around us. I have very little sense of who she was as a person outside of being my mom. I?m immeasurably grateful for how singularly devoted she was, but her dedication has created an unexpected tension in my own motherhood experience. I, too, want to be a great mom?but still be my own person.
It?s easier said than done. When I became a mom, I was wholly unprepared for how my entire identity would suddenly become defined by my relationship with my little human. The other parts of me were relegated to second (or third or fourth) fiddle as motherhood usurped all. I saw no other option than focussing on my newborn and nothing else.
As my kids became schoolagers, I was able to bring back some of my other selves. I started working more, going to social events sans kids, and attending fitness classes, and it was amazing. It made me enjoy motherhood more. Then COVID hit. Stuck at home 24/7 with my children, I found myself back to being all mom, all the time. And although there?s been some light in the COVID tunnel, it?s fair to say I?m tired of mothering.
I love my kids and I?m proud to be their mom. But ten years and two kids in, it still doesn?t sit well with me to be thought of by others solely as ?Annabel and Levi?s mom.? I was always a bit ambivalent about becoming a mom; I?ve been much more intentional with my career. But since motherhood happened, it seems a lot of what I worked for beforehand ...