Photo: Katie Dupuis
The other day, my four-year-old, Sophie, came home from school and told me Mean Kid Who Comes Up a Lot in Conversation (henceforth just known as Mean Kid) called her ugly. She was tearful and confused, because we have so many conversations about being kind to others and about being careful with our words. (?They can really sting,? I told her. ?Yeah,? she said. ?Like a papercut.? Yes, exactly like that.) She climbed up on my lap, put her head on my shoulder and asked me why Mean Kid said what she said.
Here?s where things got dicey for me: Because I?m a writer and an editor, and I voraciously read parenting articles, I?ve read and internalized too many stories that tell me what to say to my kids. Don?t tell her she?s pretty. Don?t tell her she?s smart. Don?t tell her to be careful. Do tell her to be strong, but that it?s also okay to show emotion. Do tell her to think for herself. Sometimes. Not all the time. Because sometimes Mom and Dad know better. The scenarios ran through my head, and my heart ached as she waited quietly for my reply. I wanted to do right by her, to find the best answer in the parenting-advice rolodex in my head. (I imagine it like an old-school card catalogue, in case you?re wondering.) But after a few minutes of rubbing Soph?s back while she sniffled, I involuntarily sighed and shook my head. ?What, Mommy" What?s the matter"? she asked. And I threw all the experts out the window.
?Soph,? I said, ?you are such a beautiful ...