John and Natalie met when they were four years old. They weren?t always in the same class, but on weekends and after school they were inseparable and, by third grade, their BFF status was solid. But then John got sick and missed a lot of school (he would later be diagnosed with Crohn?s disease). When he returned, he couldn?t keep up with the active games at recess and he became a bit of a social outcast, says his mom, Heather Conroy*. With lots of lonely recesses on her hands while John was away, Natalie had built up a social system that didn?t include him, and their friendship faltered. Over the next few months, texts from John to Natalie began to go unanswered and their regular playdates faded away. ?John was devastated,? says Conroy.
Friendship breakups are common during the tween years, as kids? interests and commitments start to evolve. Girl-boy relationships like John and Natalie?s are particularly at risk because of the increased peer pressure to segregate boys and girls leading up to puberty, says Vancouver child and family counsellor Michele Kambolis. But even though breakups are normal, they?re not always easy. Conroy says John still questions what happened all those months ago. Losing a friend can be traumatic, especially for the child being left behind, and particularly if the parting of ways was out of his control. It might make you feel better, but sheltering your child from hurt doesn?t help in the long run, says Kambolis. ?We don?t want to buffer our kids f...