How helping my husband discover he?s gay helped me let go
One Saturday morning last fall, my marriage ended before I even had a chance to finish my coffee. Our three kids were clearing the table?an onslaught of nine-year-olds were arriving any minute for my daughter?s book club. As our kids stacked breakfast dishes in the kitchen, my husband, Mike, looked up from across the table and said, ?I?m gay.?
I wish I could tell you what I said in response, but I can?t. I can vividly recall the defeat in Mike?s face and how he could barely look me in the eye. But as to what I said" It?s a complete blank. I went on autopilot and focused on the imminent gathering of 10 kids that we were taking on a field trip to the Children?s Book Bank for the next few hours. ?Did you brush your teeth"? I asked them. ?The kids will be here soon!? I?d feared this day would come. Deep down, some part of me knew it would. We had spent the past two years on an emotional roller coaster, discussing (oh, so much discussing) his burgeoning attraction to men, trying to incorporate it into our marriage. After all we?d been through, to accept that this was the end of our marriage and almost 21 years together left me heartbroken and numb.
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