Every two weeks, Naomi Cooper* sends her six-year-old daughter to her ex-husband?s house for the weekend, knowing her days will be packed with over-the-top excursions, new toys and late nights. Inevitably, her daughter returns home tired and grumpy, and complains that her mom doesn?t give her the same treats as Dad. ?I?m always the bad guy,? Cooper says, sighing.
It?s been like this for the two years she?s been co-parenting with her ex, but the dynamic was particularly troubling the Christmas her daughter returned from her dad?s house bragging about all the gifts she?d received and griping that her mother hadn?t given her more.
?I looked her straight in the eye and told her Christmas is about spending time with family and I don?t have to buy her love,? says Cooper, who lives near Cobourg, Ont., and recently had a second child with her new partner. Although she knew it wasn?t the most ?politically correct? thing to say, Cooper says she?s grown tired of her ex?s particular brand of indulgence and neglect. ?He?s always got to show off, always be the best,? she says.
There’s a name for this pattern
Cooper sees her ex-husband as a ?Disneyland dad??that is, all too willing to do fun stuff with their daughter, but unwilling to do the hard parenting, like enforcing a consistent bedtime or insisting vegetables are eaten. All of that heavy lifting falls to her.
The expression ?Disneyland dad? isn?t a new one. It shows up in parenting research dating back to the early 1980s, alt...