How to deal with attachment issues
My 11-year-old ran toward me when she saw I?d hurt my finger. Leading me by the elbow, Olivia sat me down to examine the wound. She gently disinfected the cut, applied a bandage and offered a kiss. I was moved by her tenderness. She?d been at high risk for an attachment disorder. An adopted child, she had been with three other families in her first three years of life. In those early days, I wondered if we?d ever have a bond like the one I shared with my biological sons. We?d come a long way.
Attachment between a parent and child is crucial?it leads to positive emotional development and a sense of security. It also profoundly influences the relationships a child has with others. In fact, poor attachment changes the brain, leading to learning and behavioural difficulties and making healthy relationships seem impossible. Because attachment suffers when needs aren?t met, many adoptive parents worry about whether they can make up for a child?s early experiences. Some therapists believe every adopted child?s attachment is affected; after all, the woman who carried the child is not the main caregiver. Even if a child was adopted as an infant and shows no signs of an attachment disorder, they say feelings of loss, grief and shame can surface years later.
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