Photo: Amazon
We?ve all been there: Your toddler has a complete meltdown over having to wear blue socks and you haven?t the foggiest idea what triggered it or how to help. Or maybe your tween completely refuses to get on the school bus one morning, when she’s happily been taking it for years. You try to reason with her, cajole her into telling you what?s up or maybe even scold her for being difficult. Someone eventually wins out: Either you capitulate, exasperated, or your child reluctantly gives in, in a fit of anger and tears.
But guess what" It doesn?t have to be this way. A new book by Stuart Shanker, a research professor of philosophy and psychology at York University in Toronto, entitled Self Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life, explains how appropriate self-regulation can help both you and your brood. I sat down with him to ask how and why self-reg works, and how families can integrate his strategies into their every day. What is self-reg in a nutshell" And what?s the difference between self-regulation and self-control"

Self-reg is a method that we?ve worked on for many years [at York], to help with self-regulation in children of all ages. The original definition is how well a kid copes with stress and then recovers from the experience.
Self-regulation is what makes self-control possible. Self-control refers to the effort a child has to make in order to control impulse, whereas self-r...