Photo: Getty Images
The whispering starts on the drive to gymnastics. My nine-year-old daughter and her best friend are sharing secrets and other intel, talking in hushed voices so I can?t hear. Later, Avery reveals the gossip they?re exchanging is benign: which boy is cute, what the teacher said about stinky feet and the looming mysteries of puberty.
Whispering rumours and truths, followed by giggling, is a developmentally appropriate ?right of passage? for tweens, especially girls, says Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, an applied developmental psychologist and professor at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. ?As children get older, around nine, friendships become defined by intimacy or sharing, and the sharing of secrets is one of those ways friendship is developed,? she says. Sharing personal or inside information forms a bond. At this age kids are also starting to forge identities separate from their family, and part of that growth is exchanging knowledge with peers on subjects they might be tight-lipped about with their parents, says Schonert-Reichl.
As Avery is growing up, she?s confiding in me less often, and I worry about the change?one day those whispers might not be so harmless. For now, I likely have nothing to worry about.
?Between the ages of nine and 11, most kids won?t be getting into trouble?these are little secrets,? says Julie Freedman Smith, a parenting coach and co-founder of Parenting Power in Calgary. She recommends discussing secrets now, so you...