My daughter Ayla was born on August 23rd, 2009. My novel Far to Go was born exactly one year later. I had published before, but this was the first book for which I?d actually been well paid?it even had a publicity budget and international sales. When the British edition was nominated for the Man Booker Prize, I finally had what I?d been dreaming of since I was ten and writing detective stories in my composition notebook. Suddenly people were buying my book, and inviting me to read from it at festivals in faraway places. I wanted to be happy. I was happy. But what about my tiny daughter" How would I ever balance being a writer and a mom" From the beginning these two parts of me were like siblings: one always seemed to want what the other had. Motherhood is a creative act. It requires passion, devotion, and the ability to adapt to the ever-changing demands of another being. Writing a novel is the same?but it also requires silence, solitude, and intense concentration. This did not mesh well with a toddler who liked to climb up in my lap while I sat at my computer and knead by breasts like dough, shouting ?Pushy! Pushy!?
When I told people that I was a self-employed writer, they would often exclaim, ?How wonderful! You can write your novels at home with your daughter!? But even with a babysitter downstairs entertaining her, it was impossible to get anything done. I would hear her little voice drifting up the stairs. Her laughter made me want to play with her; her cr...