Photo: Whitney Port
When I got pregnant, one of my biggest fears was losing my identity.
I feared that everyone would look at me and see only someone?s mom. I feared that everything I had accomplished professionally, prior to motherhood, would slowly float away from people?s memories and I?d have only one sole purpose: to raise a child. And not just a child, but a good, decent, well-rounded human-being.
During my first months of motherhood, this fear became reality. I had no time to myself, no time with my husband Timmy, no time to continue building my career. Every thought and waking moment was consumed by Sonny?s next feed or nap or poop. It was glorious and exhausting and rewarding and frustrating all at once.
I?d wonder how I?d ever be able to get my life back when I was consumed with keeping this human being alive. Obviously nothing is more important than his well-being, but selfish as it may sound, I couldn?t shake the thought. And although Timmy was home for three weeks after Sonny?s birth, and was just as connected to him as I was, these sentiments never crossed his mind, nor did the thought of staying home to raise him. Of course, there were other biological factors in the way: Only I could breastfeed; only I could pump. So whether the issues were emotional or physical, it felt like only I carried the burden.
Photo: Whitney Port
Luckily, as with most things in life, time worked its wonders and my brain slowly started re-firing. Sonny wasn?t as preciousÂ...