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Yesterday, after watching too much CNN coverage of yet another tragedy unfolding in sound bites? this time one in my queer community?I desperately needed to share the pain. I yelled out to my boys, 16 and 13, that I was off to the vigil.
?The what"?
?The gathering for Orlando.?
?Oh. Ok.?
?Do you want to come"?
?No thanks.?
Somehow standing around with a bunch of ?old? queers listening to politicians and community leaders was less than appealing to them. The event at the LGBTQ 519 Community Centre in Toronto- thousands strong – helped with my grief. And yet there we all were gathered – some hater?s potential target.
Great – a new set of fears.
I?ve always worried about how homophobia and having gay parents would affect my kids. Would they be bullied, would they be ostracized, would other parents refuse play dates" Without wanting to plant too many of the seeds of worry I like to keep handy, I?d ask probing questions to find out if they?d experienced any direct consequences of our identity. Never. Not one thing. At least not that they were willing to share. Now with the massacre in Orlando, I have more horrific things to fear. How many times have I taken my kids to the Dyke March and then to the 519 on Pride weekend" And while I?m kind of old, I do still go out to bars occasionally. Maybe I was being naïve, but queer spaces were always places of joy and belonging, not dread.
As a Jew though, this new dread is somewhat...