My birth wasn?t considered traumatic, and yet I?m still struggling
After six years and numerous fertility treatments, all I wanted was to be pregnant with a healthy baby. I didn?t care how she arrived, as long as she came into the world safely. Pregnancy was a long-term goal of mine and I didn?t think too much about what my birth story was going to look like.
I wasn?t worried about a prolonged or exhausting labour. I didn?t care if I tore or if her birth was in an operating room. After enduring multiple rounds of IVF, countless injections, endless nausea, wicked back pain and heartburn that would keep me up at night all I wanted was to have her safe in my arms.
And after nine long months, that?s exactly where she was. And yet missing was that feeling of relief and happiness.
Like with many women, my birth story wasn?t perfect?but few would classify it as traumatic. My baby was slightly premature, but she miraculously didn?t need time in the NICU. She had some trouble with her glucose levels, but we were able to supplement with some formula and donor milk and she ended up nursing like a champ. Most importantly, she came home with us. As for my own health, I had a prolonged hospital stay with preeclampsia, and I didn?t get the drug-free vaginal birth I wanted, but I tried hard to focus on the positive.
For months afterward, as anxiety and grief lingered and I struggled with post-surgical pain and breastfeeding, I felt an overarching sense of guilt. How dare I feel traumatized when there were so many new parents who had it worse"
.rela...
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