After my first was born in 2019, I experienced the typical “baby blues” that up to 80 percent of moms struggle with. I’d find myself randomly crying during episodes of The Price is Right. So when I got pregnant with my second, I was prepared for the same experience?although I hoped for better, feeling confident about knowing what was coming this time around.
After a challenging pregnancy, I was relieved to go into labour at 41 weeks and had a positive birth experience. In fact, so positive that we checked out of the hospital only eight hours after the baby was born and went out for breakfast at the local diner. I was feeling great and high on life.
On my third day postpartum, however, a thought randomly popped into my mind, seemingly out of nowhere: ?You?re not capable of handling this.? From that moment on, I spiralled mentally into the darkest and most difficult time of my life. By day five, I reluctantly confessed to my partner that I had not only thoughts but an actual plan to take my own life. An hour later, I was in the hospital, being cared for by nurses and the emergency psychiatric team. Throughout it all, I just kept thinking to myself, ?How did this happen"? Over the next few weeks, I struggled greatly to see light at the end of the tunnel, to find any possible way out of the terrifyingly dark thoughts that consumed every moment of the day and made sleeping nearly impossible. Yet today, at four months postpartum, I can confidently share tha...