At the start of the school year, Lonnie Starling was struggling with her eight-year-old son?s behaviour. Another kid at school was being mean to him, and he was acting out at home by throwing tantrums, pushing, shoving and kicking. The Calgary mom remembered that using positive reinforcement?that is, focusing on the positive things he was doing, rather than constantly correcting his behaviour?had been effective to influence his actions when he was a toddler, so she got into the habit of praising him again.
?When he does something good, we kind of go overboard. We make a huge deal of it?if he?s helpful with things around the house, when he shovels the walk,? explains Starling. ?His sister was upset and he brought her a stuffie. I said, ?You?re such a good brother, that was so thoughtful of you.?? After repeatedly catching her son being good, and commenting on it, the physical aggression and tantrums have tapered off, and he?s doing a better job of communicating, with words, when he?s upset. For Starling, positive reinforcement has worked like a charm.
What is positive reinforcement"
The idea behind this parenting strategy is simple: children respond better to kudos than they do to criticism or correction. If parents make a big deal of it when their kids share, show kindness, do their chores, or play quietly while Mom is on the phone, they?ll do more of these things because they like the good feelings that come with the positive attention.
?It?s just human nature that ...