Bless my book-loving kindergartener for asking me to read her favourite stories every single night before bed, but when she brings me her early readers so she can practise sounding out infantile six-word sentences" FML.
Sometimes, these reading sessions go really swell. But when she gets stumped sounding out a new word or I gently correct her after a failed attempt, the tears start to fall. She throws herself on the bed, kicking and screaming about not being able to do it right. As she starts to spiral, I try to jump in and encourage her. ?It?s OK sweetie, I know reading is really, really hard, and you?re frustrated,? I say. ?But once you know how to read, you can do anything you want in life. Isn?t that cool" Let?s try it again.? I?ve read all the parenting books that say you should validate your child by mirroring their emotions, which is supposed to make them feel better, and I thought that’s what I’d been doing. But she seemed to only getting more upset. Then she’d get to full-on meltdown mode and be forced to go to bed without bedtime stories being read to her. And we both felt like miserable failures.
So what gives" Well, it turns out that validation for teaching feelings is a little trickier than I thought. And the problem lies with one particular word I was using.
?Unfortunately, it can be so easy to invalidate our kids by following it with a ?but,?? says Tamara Aleong, a Toronto registered social worker who uses ?emotion coaching? i...