When I had my first baby, I felt like a cruise ship activity director. I?d spend entire days desperately trying to keep my baby entertained for a blessed 10-minutes so I could wash the bottles, talk to a friend or maybe even take a shower (just think!). More often than not the new activity?the bouncy seat, the swing, the playmat?would only buy me a few minutes of peace. It was just enough time to realize my coffee was cold but not enough to make a new one. As the day wore on I?d slowly turn into the resentful activity director who just wanted to hide in the galleys.
As a music therapist and psychotherapist who has worked with parents for more than a decade, I find that there are two modes we tend to be in when we?re with our babies: The ?activity director? and ?checked out.? When we?re in activity-director mode, we?re engaged and animated. We?re singing the ABCs or reading a book, and we?re leading the activity. Meaning, we’re deciding what song to sing or what game to play and we?re happily engaging with our baby. When we?re in the checked-out mode, our baby is contentedly playing on their own and we?re taking a much-needed break. But there?s a third mode we don?t often think about that has huge benefits for your baby?and for you. Once I discovered it with my baby, I felt much more connected to him and in tune with his behaviour. Not only that, it was actually relaxing for me! I felt good, he was peaceful, and it let my inner event planner off the hook.
I call it the...