?What am I doing" This a terrible idea!? It?s 3 a.m. and I am awake, again, drenched in sweat. ?Am I really going to go through with this" Am I really going to choose to become a single mother"?
Ever since I was a little girl, I?ve wanted to have children. I remember opening a present under the Christmas tree when I was three or four years old. It was a doll with black hair and I immediately named her Princess Leia. I ran around the living room, screeching with delight. I slept next to her every night, even though her hard body woke me up when I rolled over. I would get so upset when my brother teased me by tossing her in the air. To me she was real, and it was my job to keep my little baby safe. I?d smile and tell people that I was going to be a mommy, and a firefighter, and the president! I remember when I was five years old, my father said to me, ?Athena, we need to talk to your brother first and then you. Please wait in your room.? I sat in the eerie stillness, trying to decipher what was being said in hushed tones on the other side of the wall until it was my turn. ?You are going to have two houses now,? my parents told me. ?Two Christmases!? We were sitting in a circle on my bedroom floor. My parents were so cheerful in their explanation, but I still can?t erase the long look on my nine-year-old brother?s face from my memory.

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