When Cindy Piazzo*?s daughter, Marley,* was four and would refuse to do a chore, the Thunder Bay, Ont., mom would send her to her room with the door open for a short time out. ?It was a disaster?the biggest temper tantrum ever,? she says. ?She would kick and scream uncontrollably.? Instead of dialling down the behaviour, the time out seemed to escalate it.
Time outs are a familiar tool in a lot of parent toolboxes: A child misbehaves, is removed from the situation and learns a lesson (hopefully). Time outs have been used for decades, but recently some experts have questioned whether they are effective or whether they are actually damaging to kids (for example, kids may feel excluded or frightened, may not learn about what behaviour is appropriate or may be acting out because they?re hungry or tired). Understandably, these concerns can leave parents feeling confused and asking themselves ?Are time outs OK"? It all comes down to the child and the situation. ?If time outs are working for you, use them,? says Julie Freedman Smith, a Calgary-based parenting expert and co-author of A Year of Intentional Parenting. ?They can be a great strategy.? But it?s crucial to remember the intent of a time out. ?When kids are in an emotional state, it?s very hard for any problem-solving or learning to take place,? she explains. ?We need to calm them down and get ourselves calmed down, too.? The power struggle comes when parents try to use time outs as punishments. Instead of fighting ov...