The moment I found out my wife, Rachel, was pregnant, I cried tears of joy. There was nothing I wanted more than to become a dad. The thought of having my own little family was all I ever wanted. But it didn?t happen quite how I expected.
When Rachel was in labour, we were rushed down to the operating room in a state of panic. The umbilical cord had come down first, something known as cord prolapse. I could tell from the looks on the faces of the doctors and nurses that it was an emergency. They didn?t have time to let the anaesthetic take effect before giving my wife an episiotomy and delivering my daughter via suction.
I wanted to be anywhere but in that room. But I knew I had to be there, of course. And I stood there, holding Rachel?s hand, but as I did, the thought of losing both her and my daughter took me right back to the most terrible night of my life?a night when a friend of mine lost his life.? We?d been out drinking, and I decided that we?d walk home, despite the fact that he was visibly very drunk. As we walked, he jumped in front of a car, killing himself. I blame myself for what happened that night and have felt a tremendous amount of guilt for it ever since. From then on, any time I find myself in a traumatic situation, I?m taken back to that night. So, the night of my daughter?s birth, there I was, living what?s supposed to be one of life?s best moments while I was reliving one of my worst.  .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:...