Shared custody, or co-parenting, can range from a hot mess of terribleness to peaceful and collaborative. Here’s how to do co-parenting well.
1. Collaborate, don?t litigate
Acrimony is expensive financially (a divorce trial, on average, costs each party more than $10,000, but that figure can go up to $100,000 or more) but also emotionally, particularly for your children. According to a report for the Ottawa-based Vanier Institute of the Family, kids who?ve lived through an ugly split are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues, and are more likely to drop out of school. Court-imposed outcomes also tend to be more short-lived than amicable settlements and can actually increase conflict in the long-term. ?When you go to court, the winner goes yahoo, and the loser goes boo-hoo,? says Gary Direnfeld of Dundas, Ont., a social worker who specializes in family mediation and counselling. That means the “losing” parent will be less likely to follow the court order and will try to undermine the other parent in hopes of having it overturned. More collaborative processes force co-parents to achieve a mutually agreeable settlement. ?Though you might have to plug your nose a bit,? says Direnfeld, ?you?re likely to have a more durable agreement.? 2. Be respectful and ?professional?
“Treat your co-parent as a colleague,? says Cameron Shouldice, a collaborative lawyer in Toronto. Would you blow off an appointment with a co-worker" N...