Reprinted with permission from Silence is a Scary Sound by Clint Edwards, Page Street Publishing Co. 2019.
When I got married, my mother said she planned to come to my home, turn my ceiling fan on high, and throw toys into it. Or pull all the toilet paper off the roll and drag it down the hallway, laughing. Or wipe boogers on the walls. Or, well, basically all the things I did as a kid. Why" Revenge. She said it jokingly, and I always gave it an epic eye roll. Then I had children of my own, and now, well, I get it.
There?s something about my kids pushing all my buttons that makes me long for revenge once they are adults. Sure, I?ll never do it. But it is fun to imagine all the ways I?d love to get even so they will understand exactly how awesome I was as a parent. Here are a few examples that are not in any particular order (all would be equally satisfying means of revenge): 1. Hide in my daughter?s pantry and crap my pants.
2. Punch my son in the balls while shopping at Target. Then laugh in his face.
3. Leave a leaky sippy cup full of milk under the back seat of their car for an entire summer.
4. Knock on my son?s door moments before he is about to have sex and tell him I want to change my pajamas.
5. Wake them up at 4:00 a.m. and ask for a cheese stick every day until they wake up at 4:00 a.m. on their own for the rest of their lives.

.related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (...