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Have you seen those pithy memes that describe a typical parenting day" The big, bright letters seem almost perky, as they proclaim: ?Coffee. Chaos. Wine. Sleep. Repeat.?
It would be funny, if it wasn?t so damned true.
For parents in the little kid years?past the sleepless infant stage but before school age?there?s a brutal, undeniable reality to our lives. We?re so exhausted by the tending and the washing and the cooking and the cleaning and the bills and the bath times and the seemingly endless bedtime requests that each day ends in a daze. Forget keeping romance alive. The question for an overwhelming number of parents is: How do you keep your relationship alive"
It might help to know you?re by no means alone. Andrew Sofin, president of the Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, says most of the couples who come to his therapy retreats have children under five.
?The first five years are the hardest,? he says. ?You?re going through multiple changes?maybe you?re now a full-time caregiver or are juggling daycare. Time becomes the premium. Sleep becomes more important than sex. You?re going to have hard times with your spouse. It?s not if?it?s when.?
This flies in the face of cultural expectations that kids should make us happy, and romance should still be hot and heavy. Throw in the fact that when we have kids, we demand more from our partners than ever before, and it?s a recipe for disaster.
But it doesn?t have to be. By stepping back ...