When my two kids were little, I felt I had to inhale every moment with them. Every time they tasted something new, every time they fell off a swing?you don?t get those moments back, which meant everything else had to wait so I could be present for them. I resisted pursuing a career and having children at the same time. To me, it was an either-or thing?or maybe it was a now and then. Now I would be with my children, and then I could think about a career.
But I gave up a lot of myself. I quit my admin job and stopped writing fiction. Soon life outside the home didn?t really exist. My husband was adamant we do things as a family, so I never went anywhere by myself?not to see friends, not to see a movie. There was this expectation: If you?re the mother who stays home, then you stay home.
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How I built a family after my marriage implodedI had been with this man since I was 16 years old, and he?d always been very paternal. Because I came from a troubled family?there was a lot of addiction and neglect over the years?my husband wanted to care for me, and I wanted to be cared for. But I grew reliant on him to make decisions. I?d ask to go to the store or go for a coffee?things any self-determining adult would do on their own.
Once my children were in sch...